The Key

January 17th, 2018

The door was knocked this morning. Sanna, one of the camp officials, came. I immediately wore my slippers. She was surprised. I thought she came to remind me my duty-cleaning turn. Didn’t let her talk, I directly headed to the staff room to take cleaning stuff and asked her to open its door.

‘’We are going to sign a contract.’’ said Sanna. I stopped. ‘’I’m so stupid!’’ I said. Well, I wanted to make an image of how my moves changed so deeply and how I made things so inner...

I don’t go out often. Barely. So I wouldn’t see the things other countries’ Muslims do. The things, never gets along with a Muslim. I never visit the camp office if I am not in a serious trouble; it was already full with the people goes there in every 3 minutes.

And in the process of moving a house, I was like a dead body in dead-washers hands.

As long as I was playing the dead one, my expectations got lower. I knew it would be much more quickly if I make it harder. But I never did, considering how much hard I got, I never made things harder.

And what happened today?

We made the last things to do with Sanna. The conrtact is signed, and they gave me the key. I wasn’t waiting for this. My eyes filled with tears…

Like discharged prisoners…

I have lived so many things in a year. All are memories now, passing in front of my eyes.

My refugee camp life, was ending.

I was scared. In a country, I don’t the language, I was scared of holding life with three little children.

I wasn’t looking scared, though.

Considering what I had in this long year, I feel like I reached to the presence from absence.

I tasted the secret of weakness, and realized how delicious it is.

I prayed God. I never wanted the key in my hands to be changed with the key of weakness.

In my lifetime, being Yousef was written for 11 months. I bended my neck down for the ones, whose being Yousef time is not ended yet…

The ones who had the key of weakness payed with their lives and went away quietly.

And I? Oh I…

May I survive? Despite of staying away from all people, without any friend, renting a house in a city I don’t know and leaving this worldly life… Could I stay alive?

I realized.

This path is too long. And there sure are deep waters…