I died!

January 28th, 2018

Our journey into the unknown started when we came to this country.

Three noisy children and four suitcases around me.

Meanwhile in my country, giant waves swallowing people and we were also in the line.

This foreign country is the peaceful seashore we had to take shelter. From the colossal storm of greed, from the giant waves of anger, from the calamity and the slander, we ran away like those who were lucky.

Death…

As Rumi says, ‘salvation from the homesickness’…

People died in this way…

Bunch of secrets; some are awarded by salvation from the homesickness while some are awarding by a new homesickness.

First week of a new life…

We waited in the cold weather of Europe while moving to our house from the refugee camp. My children got sick first. Fever, caught, runny nose, vomiting, and headache. All guests of our new house. My rush to dispose the house ends when I catch a terrible cold.

Tiredness may also have affect, I couldn’t get up. Even putting patato slices on my forehead and temporal sides, the old-fashioned way, didn’t work. Antibiotics are not common here, doctors here don’t suggest it as doctor’s in Turkey do. However, we all started to take antibiotics.

My caughts didn’t let me sleep, my headache didn’t let me get up. It’s hard to drink water as my throat was irritated. I was like ripped to shreds.

Children were having nightmares and I was the only one to calm them down.

Then, it was my turn to have nightmare.

I died in a nightmare, and I died with it!..

While I was thinking that I was safe with my children, I shared the same destiny with those who may be safer than ever with death. I was thinking about my lovely three little children... I was gone... Who is going to take care of them?

My hands weren’t able to catch, standing still.

My mind wasn’t able to stop, questioning everything.

Loneliness invites to death, death invites to nothingness...